I have quad fever

If you are a wheelchair user, you would probably have the same comments and questions all the time. I actually don't mind them, they make me giggle and it's a great setup for me to crack a joke. The most common comment is (a random walks up to me while I'm trying to get drunk in peace) "I'm really glad to see you out. You really inspire me". Now correct me if I'm wrong, but are they suggesting that disabled people can't/don't go out for a good time? I usually reply by saying "Thank you, I didn't feel like staying at home and feeling sorry for myself, like I do every other night" in a smirky kinda voice, followed by a laugh. 

I'm quite the skinny mofo, but cmon.... When I keep hearing, "do you go for physical therapy?" I want to go crazy!!!! Now before my accident I was a lazy shit, who would rather vegetate than search for a remote control. Nothings changed people..... I'm STILL lazy. 

The most common question of all, "What happened?" I absolutely love this question. On a first impression, I can come up with any answer my sick imagination allows, and look like a real bad ass while doing it. "I was walking in a dark ally when 211 men attacked me. I fought off 210 of them (blind folded) and the last one ran away. unfortunately for me I then slipped on a puddle of blood, falling and breaking my neck. Ok! I don't quite go that overboard, but I have used "I was attacked by a shark". "I was muffing a giraffe and it kicked me" and my favorite "I was skydiving and the shute didn't open". You will be very surprised at how many people believe the last one. Cripple people don't lie/joke after all ;)

Look at this number on Melissa. MMMHHMMMM

Why am I posting pics of myself when it has nothing to do with the post? well.... My goal through my blog is to show people with disabilities that life carries on. I may talk a lot of shit, but in the end if I can get one disabled person to go out who usually doesn't. Then I've done my job. 

Balls to the wall

What does being a quadriplegic involve?

You won't believe the perks I get by being a quad. A few points on the  good life

I recently went to a mates 23rd dress up party. Theme: This is how I woke up after a night in Vegas. It was quite funny that I rocked up in a wheelchair (had no choice really) seeing as Vegas could very well be the reason for me being in a chair.

My best mate dressed in a nappy with graffiti all over him. Me pretty much passed out already

So what are these perks I'm talking about?

FREE BEER

It seems like for some reason, whenever I go to a club, pub or braai I get free drinks (buffalo). People probably think that when you are in a chair you have no money. They feel obligated to buy me a drink (buffalo) as soon as I don't have my hands occupied with one. Shit, I'm not complaining, in fact I milk it for all that I can. Will I go to hell?..... Probably! But at least I'll know I'm going with a few extra bucks in my pocket

I had no choice but to down the rest of this beer

Stripper privileges

You might not believe this, but I get stripper perks as well. Mavericks has always been our strip club of choice. On big occasions, or on payday, we will go for the night to get drunk and get private dances. Unfortunately the private rooms are up stairs, which means my buddy has to carry me about 20 metres to the room, but I don't give a shit. What are the perks you ask? well I don't want to go into detail, but I do get "special" prices. Not to mention all the girls who converge like fish to a lure. Mainly they just wanna ask questions like, "Can you get it up?" or "Have you had sex?"

I must admit, this above piece does sound boastful. Don't let your imagination run wild, it's not like a huge night with sex, drugs and alcohol

Meeting girls

a lot of people think being in a wheelchair is a lonely life where people stare and mock. The opposite tends to be true. Take this girl on my lap as an example. I was at the same party when I spotted this scorcher at the bar. She gave me one look and I called her over,  gave her a tube of lipstick and told her to mark my face with it. She just laughed and put it on, followed by a kiss on the cheek.... What a great first impression. She then  proceeded to sit on my lap where we had a great conversation. I found out her name the next morning when a mate said "Do you remember telling that girl you wanna hook up with her while throwing up outside?" of course I didn't remember, but I had a good laugh anyway. 

Girls are intrigued by guys in wheelchairs, and don't let anyone tell you different

Most importantly

When I do go out for a rat-faced night

• I don't need to drive (in a car anyway)
• No stumbling over my feet
• Someone else always goes to the bar for me
• Dancing involves someone pushing me on the dance floor

Watch this space for episode two!!!!