You won't believe the perks I get by being a quad. A few points on the good life
I recently went to a mates 23rd dress up party. Theme: This is how I woke up after a night in Vegas. It was quite funny that I rocked up in a wheelchair (had no choice really) seeing as Vegas could very well be the reason for me being in a chair.
My best mate dressed in a nappy with graffiti all over him. Me pretty much passed out already
So what are these perks I'm talking about?
FREE BEER
It seems like for some reason, whenever I go to a club, pub or braai I get free drinks (buffalo). People probably think that when you are in a chair you have no money. They feel obligated to buy me a drink (buffalo) as soon as I don't have my hands occupied with one. Shit, I'm not complaining, in fact I milk it for all that I can. Will I go to hell?..... Probably! But at least I'll know I'm going with a few extra bucks in my pocket
I had no choice but to down the rest of this beer
Stripper privileges
You might not believe this, but I get stripper perks as well. Mavericks has always been our strip club of choice. On big occasions, or on payday, we will go for the night to get drunk and get private dances. Unfortunately the private rooms are up stairs, which means my buddy has to carry me about 20 metres to the room, but I don't give a shit. What are the perks you ask? well I don't want to go into detail, but I do get "special" prices. Not to mention all the girls who converge like fish to a lure. Mainly they just wanna ask questions like, "Can you get it up?" or "Have you had sex?"
I must admit, this above piece does sound boastful. Don't let your imagination run wild, it's not like a huge night with sex, drugs and alcohol
Meeting girls
a lot of people think being in a wheelchair is a lonely life where people stare and mock. The opposite tends to be true. Take this girl on my lap as an example. I was at the same party when I spotted this scorcher at the bar. She gave me one look and I called her over, gave her a tube of lipstick and told her to mark my face with it. She just laughed and put it on, followed by a kiss on the cheek.... What a great first impression. She then proceeded to sit on my lap where we had a great conversation. I found out her name the next morning when a mate said "Do you remember telling that girl you wanna hook up with her while throwing up outside?" of course I didn't remember, but I had a good laugh anyway.
Girls are intrigued by guys in wheelchairs, and don't let anyone tell you different
Most importantly
When I do go out for a rat-faced night
- I don't need to drive (in a car anyway)
- No stumbling over my feet
- Someone else always goes to the bar for me
- Dancing involves someone pushing me on the dance floor
Watch this space for episode two!!!!